Look On The Bright Side Suicide
by techychic
Summary: A certain Saiyajin thoughts and actions take him down a desperate path...*Yaoi* Please R&R chap 2 up now!
1. Default Chapter

Look On the Bright Side Suicide  
  
Author: techychic Email: techychic02@yahoo.com Warning- Yaoi, angst, blood, suicide Paring(s): Vegeta/Goku Special note: Thank you so much Nancy!! For both the encouragement and the title.  
  
Summary - A certain Saiyajin thoughts and actions take down a desperate path. Disclaimer- I do not own DBZ or any of its characters. Nor do I own any of the lyrics from the band "Nirvana". There is no profit being made off of this so don't bother to sue me unless you want my burrito and aluminum flavored milk ^_^ Yum!  
  
Goku woke up with a start; he focused on the small clock. "Damn it only 10 minutes" frustrated he threw off the blue linen sheets that had covered him. He hadn't slept for weeks. He picked up the clock and threw it across the room; he lived alone now so it now longer mattered if he made a racket.  
  
Bright light spilled across the tiled bathroom, the disheveled Saiyajin looked into a mirror. What he saw there did not surprise him, a grinning idiot stared back at him, and how he hated him. His fist met the glass hard sending reflective shards across the floor. He felt the sting of cuts on his hand and watched as blood flowed from the wounds. He left the restroom leaving on the light, as Goku walked down the hall he left a trail of blood. He had smashed every mirror in the house, only because that smiling fool refused to stop looking back at him.  
  
The sun was barely rising when he finally made his way to the kitchen; the chilled air of morning ran across his naked form. Broken and dirty dishes were strewn about the small room. He didn't remember the last time he had cleaned, eaten, bathed or slept; it must have been long ago. Rivers of scarlet steadily flowed from both his hands forming two puddles of blood upon the dingy floor.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gohan fixed his tie and straightened out his suit, he had woken up to the mouth-watering smell of the delicious breakfast that was being cooked. Ever since his mother had moved in she made sure him and his family ate well. He still didn't quite know why she left his dad, but one day she was standing in his living room fuming and holding a suitcase, it was probably good never to press that issue. He made his way to the large houses kitchen, his daughter was already eating, and he leaned down to kiss his wife.  
  
"You girls are up early" Chi-chi and Videl smiled, and Pan giggled. "Well we couldn't resist the smell of the master chef's latest treat" Videl sat down with her plate; his mother quickly filled up a few plates for him and placed them in front of him. The ring of a phone interrupted his first bite; he rose to go answer the phone. "Gohan!" the man cringed slightly "you sit down this instant and eat your food" blared his mother's voice. "It might be important mom" he picked up the phone in the next room, and held it to his ear "hello?"  
  
"Hi, son" *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
As soon as Goku heard his eldest son's voice doubts about why he was calling him and about what he was planning to do filled his head. "Dad? Is it really you?" The cheerful voice made him cringe 'what the hell am I doing' he thought, "It's been so long! I'm glad you called."  
  
"You won't be glad for long" yet another regret to add to my long list "I just wanted to hear your voice one last time."  
  
"Dad what's going on" concern was plain in is voice.  
  
"I wanted to tell you not to worry about me." there was a pause as words became difficult, "and I wanted to say good-bye."  
  
Gohan panicked certainly his father didn't mean.no that's silly, his dad would never "Dad!" Gohan yelled through the phone "dad your not going to." he couldn't say it because that could never happen.  
  
With no felling or emotion in his voice his reply was "Don't worry son I'm just going to remove this false smile from my face."  
  
Gohan thought back to some of his old counseling classes, he never though he would be using this knowledge with his own father. "Dad I want you to write me a note promising me you won't do anything until we talk," there was no response, "please dad that's all you have to do, please!" his plea was desperate.  
  
"Alright son" Goku sighed heavily "I'll do it, but I won't wait long to talk."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gohan finally let his breath go, he stopped him.at least for now. Just as he was about to thank his father for doing this for him Chi-chi grabbed the phone from his hand and screamed into it. "Listen you bastard don't you even dare call here again!" and with that she slammed the phone down.  
  
"Mom why did you do that" she gave no answer, so he continued speaking "I think he's going to kill himself."  
  
That did the trick "I doubt that" her anger seemed to double, "even if he does the bastard deserves to die!" She stormed off to her room 'that son of a bitch should to die for the way he treated me' she thought.  
  
Flashback: About two months ago  
  
Goten had left for college a few days ago, he was now sharing a small apartment in the city with his best friend Trunks. Chi-chi smiled to herself, that left her and her husband with so much freedom! True she missed both of her sons, but now she could spend time with her Goku. She looked at the couch in the living room where Goku lay, 'he's been acting strange lately' perhaps we should get away from here for a little while maybe even travel a bit. She finished drying the dishes and went to the living room to join her partner.  
  
"Goku, honey" he sat up and looked at her, "I was thinking maybe we should go on a vacation, you know a change of scenery would be nice" Goku just nodded and lay back down. "Honey what's wrong" she needed to know why he was acting so strange, "it's not like you to act like this, you're supposed to be happy."  
  
For some reason her little statement did not settle well with him. "So.I'm not allowed to be unhappy." his voice had an odd tone to it.  
  
"Well Goku you have to be the cheerful one," she said confidently "so I guess you can't" she laughed lightly. She didn't expect him to act so violently to her words. In the blink of an eye she was being held by her shoulders above the floor, large hands held on with an almost crushing force.  
  
"Alright if you want me to be happy then get out of my sight!" he flung her out the large glass pane window in the living area, large shards of broken glass littered the area. Chi-chi picked her self up; she didn't seem to be hurt not physically anyway 'that's not my Goku' she screamed mentally 'it can't be'. An explosion from upstairs brought her out of her shock, smoke flew out of a gaping crater in their room. Her clothing followed the smoke landing in the grass beside her or flailing away in the wind, then a suitcase landed at her feet. She looked up in disbelief and was horrified by what she saw.Goku was smiling down at her, no he was grinning like a chestier cat.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Goku's blood was streaked across the kitchen wall, his letter of promise was written amongst kanji upon the wall. How long would he wait, how much longer was he willing to put himself though his own personal hell.  
  
"Why is it so wrong for me to not be happy, this false smile disgusts me" he sighed. Perhaps he wouldn't wait; he didn't want to sadden his family and friends anymore then he already had, but he had no alternative.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gohan stared at his mothers retreating back in silent shock, 'I can't believe what just happened'. He slowly shook his head; this had to be a joke or some kind of bizarre dream. That's it he would wake up any minute now and everything would be back to normal, his mother and father would be living together happily married, and this reality would vanish.  
  
He glanced at the clock on the wall, 'damn I'll be late for work'. He kissed Videl and hugged his daughter good bye as he rushed out the door. Gohan had time to think as he waited in the morning traffic, what would he say to his father, would his dad really wait to see him. That snapped from his thoughts, what if he didn't wait.he needed someone to keep an eye on his father until he could see him. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bulma sighed as she loaded the dishwasher; Vegeta was already in the gravity room. "I Swear all that man does is train", she finished loading the dishes and glanced at the clock.  
  
"Bra honey!" the blue haired woman yelled, "its time to go to school." The young girl bounded down the stairs, she was a mirror image of her mother.  
  
"Bye mom, tell daddy I said bye" with that she flew out the door off to school.  
  
Bulma sighed, Trunks had moved out months ago, since then life seemed a bit routine. But she was proud of him; after all he had her intelligence and was in the best university. She didn't know why but the day felt a bit off. She shrugged it off and headed toward her lab, just as her hand came to rest on the steel door of her lab, the phone rang.  
  
Sweat glistened over his body as the Saiyajin Prince fought against drones in 250G. He hated the machines, they were too easy to defeat and they had no soul or honor to crush. He needed a challenge. 'Kakarotto!' he thought for a moment, he hadn't fought that idiot on months. Suddenly the gravity returned to normal and the drones clattered to the floor. Vegeta growled in anger and marched to the door leading outside. His wife stood outside arms crossed.  
  
"What the hell!" he yelled  
  
"Can it Vegeta," he glared at her "there's a phone call for you" she handed the headset to the seething prince.  
  
"Speak!"  
  
"Uh hi." Vegeta's growling was audible to Gohan.  
  
"What the hell do you want?!"  
  
"Please Vegeta you have to help me" he pleaded "I need you to get my dad and take him to your place."  
  
"Humph why should I" Vegeta held his concern from his voice.  
  
"Please Vegeta" Gohan's voice was full of desperation, "just please get my dad." "Fine!" Bulma snatched the headset away quickly before it was smashed. Vegeta ignored most of their conversation still contemplating on what to do. 'I'm sure that idiot is fine,' he thought to himself 'there couldn't be anything wrong.' One word crushed his hopes.  
  
"Suicide!" screeched Bulma, "Oh Gohan that can't be." Vegeta left before he heard anymore, he had to get to Kakarotto, he needed to save him.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Goku walked over to the knives, he had to pick the perfect one, and he had to do it just right. 'Maybe if I had told Vegeta.I wouldn't be about to end my life' he laughed bitterly, 'or perhaps Vegeta would have killed me himself.' The cold metal of the knife blades sang to him.it was time.  
  
Vegeta tried to ignore the feeling of dread that twisted his insides. "Everything is going to be alright, there's nothing wrong," he kept trying to reassure himself but it wasn't working. "What if he dies before.no, no.he won't die, Kakarotto you will not die!" Vegeta ripped though the sky determined to save Goku's life. After what seemed like an eternity the Son house came into view.  
  
Goku could feel someone approaching, but he was determined to follow though with this. He grabbed the cleanest knife and held to his bare chest over his heart, there's no turning back now. Vegeta landed in front of the house, he approached the open door quickly. He didn't feel anything, he was numb and cold, the knife blade cut his where it was held. Vegeta walked though the filth that covered the floors, he could hear shallow breathing from the kitchen and saw the trail of drying blood as he approached. There was a brilliant torrent of pain as he forced the knife into his heart; he fell as a river of crimson flowed from the mortal wound. As he fell into sweet blissful darkness he could feel his body being held. Vegeta cursed himself, 'DAMN IT!!! I wasn't fast enough'.  
  
"You can't die Kakarotto" he held the other's body close, "you can't die because I never had a chance to tell you."  
  
In the last consciousness of his mind Goku knew who held him, and with his final bit strength he whispered, "I love you Vegeta." and with that he was gone.  
  
Tears fell upon the lifeless Saiyajin face.  
  
"I love you as well Kakarotto," Vegeta placed a small kiss to cold lips "I always will."  
  
  
  
Fini?  
  
Should I continue? 


	2. Fallen Hero

Look On the Bright Side Suicide  
  
Author: techychic Email: techychic02@yahoo.com Warning- Yaoi, angst Paring(s): Vegeta/Goku Special note: Thank you so much Nancy!! For both the encouragement and the title.  
  
Summary - Disclaimer- I do not own DBZ or any of its characters. Nor do I own any of the lyrics from the band "Nirvana". There is no profit being made off of this so don't bother to sue me unless you want my burrito and aluminum flavored milk ^_^ Yum!  
  
"I love you as well Kakarotto," Vegeta placed a small kiss to cold lips "I always will." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Regret.  
  
Regret tinged his mind, how ironic even my death gives me no solace.  
  
"Oh god he loved me " he wanted to be back in Vegeta's arms; even thru the haze of his own death he felt the utter bliss in that single moment. Tears fell freely from his eyes as he made his way to Yema's desk, to be resigned to his fate. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The sky was grayed with clouds thunder crashed and lightning cut across the sky, rain fell from the sky, like tears for a fallen hero.  
  
The tears had dried from his eyes, how long had he kneeled next to the hollow shell that was left of the man he loved. It hurt "why Kakarotto." I look at his pale face just hoping this is all some sickening dream. I pull the knife from his chest, and glare at the bloodstained blade, this thing shattered my dreams. I find myself contemplating my own death, would anyone truly miss me? The only person who truly cared about me is no longer with me in life.  
  
The knife blade snapped as it hit the floor.  
  
"I will not join you yet" I this with determination, "not if I can save you."  
  
I lift his limp form off the ground and cradle him close to my body. I did not notice the rain until now, was it raining before? No it wasn't.heaven must be crying, for its heavenly angel has fallen.  
  
I can feel the stickiness of his blood on me, and I can smell his death in the air. I must leave this place; no we must leave this place. I carry my burden, my sorrow, securely with me. The rain chills me, and mournful winds howl making my journey that much more difficult. But I am grateful to the never- ending droplets, for they have washed away the blood that covered our bodies.  
  
I do not recall how long it took me to reach, the woman's home but I did. It was not my home...I doubt it ever was. I carried my beloveds' body into the living room; I gently placed my Kakarotto on the couch.  
  
Bulma had heard the front door open, and had decided to see if Vegeta had finally come back. She was not prepared for what waiting.her scream rang though the house. As she tried to get near the body of her friend.  
  
I growled at her, I'm not sure if she was more terrified by my beloveds' body or by my defensiveness as she tried to near him. I personally don't care. He is mine and I will protect him, no one can touch him but me!  
  
"Vegeta" Bulma stammered out nervously, "Is he."  
  
I just stare at her making sure she doesn't come near.to the logical part of my mind, I know he is dead, but for some reason that doesn't matter. I still need to protect him. Damn it! I need to keep some part of my sanity.  
  
"Need.ship," Why is it so hard to talk "need ship". She has the audacity to stare at me as if I've gone mad.  
  
"What do you need a ship for, huh?" she questioned, wondering if he had finally lost it.  
  
"How dare you question!" my anger is making my words more coherent, "I need...ship to save Kakarotto."  
  
"Vegeta he dead!" she hadn't seen Goku breath or move.she knew he was gone. "We can't even wish him back!"  
  
Energy crackled around me growing along with my anger "Just give me a ship!"  
  
"Fine have it your way!" she huffed angrily "I'll give you your damn ship" and with that she stalked away.  
  
Vegeta looked to the body before him 'I'll get you back Kakarotto'. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gohan sighed the feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach had not gone away. He looked up at his students as they toiled away on their latest essay. All of this was giving him a headache and made his heart ache, how had his life gotten so skewed. His cell phone rang, a few students picked up their heads to find the culprit. Gohan quickly excused himself and exited to the hallway, he pulled out his phone and flipped it open.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Oh Gohan I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" came Bulma's teary voice. Gohan's heart sank, "his body is here" he didn't even respond he just dropped his phone. His father was dead.he wasn't going to come back.ever.  
  
"No!" he screamed collapsing onto the dingy school floor tears streaming from his eyes. He didn't even notice the people staring at him; his fists were balled tightly in anguish. He picked himself up and with eyes teary and red he looked at his students and with a shaky voice he managed to dismiss his class. His student disappeared quickly as did other on lookers. He ran out of the university and flew into the raining skies, 'I need to see.I need to see for myself'. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Goku approached the ominous desk and hesitantly looked upward. A disappointed and disapproving expression met his eyes as he looked up at Yema.  
  
"Goku." Yema shook his large head as he sighed, "I must say I am very disappointed."  
  
Goku winced, would it be so bad to no longer exist, no he deserved the fate dealt to him. Yema sighed what was he going to do with him he had died a hero twice and fell from grace the third time. With 'a certain courtesy of heart' he decided to give Goku the final decision.  
  
"Goku I give you two possible fates, but you must decide." Goku's eyes widened and he nodded hesitantly. "Your first possible fate is you keep your body but are condemned to the depths of hell or you give up your physical body and stay in the heavens.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
What should Goku's fate be, help me decide.  
  
To be continued 


End file.
